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Additional info for Communicating: how to confront kids when they're doing wrong : how to encourage kids when they do right
It's just that I kinda liked her and I thought she kinda liked me. " Along with asking questions and acknowledging Ron's feelings, Dad gets more information by noticing his son's facial expression and body language. . For example, when Ron feels hurt, his shoulder's slump and he hangs his head, which is a clue to his father to be extra sensitive in his approach. " This lets Ron know that his father is open to hearing about his feelings and is available if and when his son needs him. Active listening helps us hear not only what our kids are saying, but what they're not saying.
This can force them to lie or to seek out unhealthy ways to deal with their fear, hurt, and anger: using alcohol, other drugs, or acting out in violent ways. The Prosecuting Attorney SCENARIO: Jenny tells her mother that she's furious at her friend Sheila, who got the part Jenny wanted in the school play. " Jenny wails. Sheila didn't even know about the play until Jenny told her about try-outs. Instead of comforting her, Jenny's mother turns into the Prosecuting Attorney, cross-examining her daughter to get to the bottom of the problem.
Our kids quickly learn that it isn't safe to come to us when they fail. This can force them to lie or to seek out unhealthy ways to deal with their fear, hurt, and anger: using alcohol, other drugs, or acting out in violent ways. The Prosecuting Attorney SCENARIO: Jenny tells her mother that she's furious at her friend Sheila, who got the part Jenny wanted in the school play. " Jenny wails. Sheila didn't even know about the play until Jenny told her about try-outs. Instead of comforting her, Jenny's mother turns into the Prosecuting Attorney, cross-examining her daughter to get to the bottom of the problem.